Hello world, and welcome to my site! I am Emily, and I am EMPOWERED! I am here to help empower others, all the same, by sharing the ugly pieces of myself with you. I want to give you all the “dirty deets” of my life’s journey. I want to show you that you can hit rock bottom, hard, and still get back up again. Even more than once. I want to do my part in helping others find themselves.
As a tatted up -Sagittarius/daughter/woman/wife/mother/friend in my late 30’s, I think this is the most important and beautiful time in our lives. We’re not yet old, yet we are not young. This is the best time of our lives, because we are at the point that we realize who we truly are. Many of us meet ourselves truly for the first time since young childhood.
I was raised and spent my entire life in Wisconsin, but moved around a bit. I never got to establish roots anywhere really. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother struggled with mental illness. I have an older brother who never seemed to care I existed, and has never included me in his life. I have an older sister who used to be my idol, but has since betrayed me deeper than anyone on this earth. My extended family apparently doesn’t know I exist. It was a very lonely time. I learned early on that the only person I could trust and depend on was myself, yet I was a nobody. I saw zero value in myself.
When I was 13, my parents finally divorced. I moved back and forth between the two for years trying to figure out where I belong. With my father, it was alcohol and neglect- with my mother, it was hallucinations and crazy fights. I never, ever felt like I belonged anywhere. Ultimately, at 16, I settled with my mom. She was a safer option and I didn’t know it then, but she needed me.
I dropped out of High School when I was 17, with the full support of my mother. During the fall of what was my senior year, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t picture telling my child I dropped out of High School, so I signed up for the HSED program and finished in 3 months.
At 18 years old, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, graduated high school, then lost my mother, my best friend and biggest advocate, to ALS. All of that within 3 months. My father ultimately abandoned me for his (then) new wife and her family. I have since been through unimaginable struggles since.
Now. Now I have it all! I have an absolutely amazing and supportive husband/best friend. I have two adult children on their own, one of which is married, one child I sadly don’t have contact with, and four little ones at home still, as well as a step-granddaughter! We also have two fur babies (kitties). Yes, I have a lot of kids! I hadn’t noticed! 😉
Life has taught me a lot, but the one thing about life that has taught me the most is being a mommy! It is the one thing in this world that I know I did right. I may not have always done the right thing, but I have always fiercely loved and advocated for my children. There has not ever, and will never be ANYTHING that can change that. They have always inspired me to level up and grow up. Nothing in the world has ever given me more motivation, courage, and drive. I love being a mom! They are my “why”. They are my purpose. Without them, I am nothing.
My husband is my rock. He and I met by sheer chance, and we have been through a lot together. He is such a supportive, loving, amazing man. We’ve had our struggles, but our love has proved to us time and again that we were made for one another. He has truly taught me how to be loved. He taught me that I am worth it. He gave me back my sense of self when I was ready to self-cancel. I will forever hold him so high… I quite literally do not know what I would do, who I would be, without him and his love. He is my “how”. He makes all of this possible. Without him, I wouldn’t be here.
I have been through a lot in my life. Deaths, divorces, and DPA’s. I have been raped and I have been beaten. I had brain surgery when I was 11 after an accident. I have hit rock bottom and I have touched the stars. I have graduated and dropped out of both High School and College. I deal with depression, anxiety, and I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I have hurt people and been I’ve been hurt. I’ve almost been killed. I have made promises I couldn’t keep. I have lost custody of one of my children and haven’t seen him in over a decade. I was an alcoholic. I’ve never done hard drugs, but I have loved an addict. We’ve been homeless in tents, and living the high life in a house. I could go on, but I’m sure you get my point.
I am an absolutely imperfect human, but that pales in comparison to who I am. Every mistake, every misstep, every fork in the paths, every moment makes me Emily. I have unique situations that have taught me who I am and what I am fighting for – why I exist. My purpose. So I come to you, raw, baring all for the world to see. I am an open book, and I am happy to share, in hopes that one daughter doesn’t cry herself to sleep tonight. I give myself to you, just in case it helps one mother reach out for help when she just can’t do it anymore. I open my heart and world to you, just so you know you are not alone. I hope my stories can inspire and help heal.
The world can be a very dark place, but I hope I can be a light for your dark space.
Love, Emily XOXO
